Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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