I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
