Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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