i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize