i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
