I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
