I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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