Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
