I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
