we're chasing vodka with high fives
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
