that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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