There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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