I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
