pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
