Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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