she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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