Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
