Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
