I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
