yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
