last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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