I swear she didn't look like that last week.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
