I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
