Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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