We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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