someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
