just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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