I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
