I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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