her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
