I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
