Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
