I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
