Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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