living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
