This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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