I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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