The maid of honor just puked.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Randomize
