i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
