This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
