he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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