Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I cannot find my penis.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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