I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
