i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kissed a someone with a penis
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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