1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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