I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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