I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Are we still banned from the library?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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