im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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