Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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