Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
