you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
