hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
