Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
