just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
