Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I am spending my child support on dildos
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
