he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
