BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
