Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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