Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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