i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
