I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
As shirtless as possible
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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