In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
