Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
