My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
