you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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