the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
